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Thursday, June 17, 2010

Press Release Messiah


Anonymous said...

According to the Personal Actions Report to be submitted to the Board of Trustees on Monday, June 21, 2010, Provost Jeff Gold will receive a title change to "Chancellor and Executive Vice President for Biosciences and Health Affairs and Dean of the College of Medicine" and receive a $100,000 increase in pay for it.

Did someone say that there might be layoffs and that life might be fiscally tough for the univeristy in 2011?

Anonymous said...

Suppose that the discussion in the offices of the High Lords of the University of Toledo went something like this:

Gold: Good Morning, Exalted Priest of All Knowledge that Needs to Be Known.

Jacobs: Good Morning, My Faithful Servant of Medicine and Keeper of the Jewels of the Universe. What is troubling my poor servant's mind today?

Gold: Did you know that Mercedes Benz increased their prices for the R-Class 24.5% over last year?

Jacobs: What?

Gold: See here, it is reported by Forbes on March 30, 2010.

Jacobs: Oh my! We will have to do something about that. Let's see. Your annual salary is $362, 457. A quarter of that is about $90,000; Let's round it off to $100,000. What do you think?

Gold: Oh Lord Benefactor, you are too generous! Thank you! I know I earned that but let me genuflect!

Jacobs: Come now, Acolyte Gold. You have helped in laying off the worthless, Praise to the Lord! And you assisted me in beating that that slanderous group, commonly called the "Faculty." Those Heathen Unbelievers! Oh, purify me for mentioning them!

Gold: Oh Hail Master, it could not be helped. Dear Exalted One, Knower of All Things That Need to Be Known, allow me to return to New York City to instruct my poor spouse who cannot endure the Black Swamp to create our "jannath ul firdaus"

Jacobs: You have my leave and God Speed, Faithful Servant.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Gold's the same guy who some on this blog were singing praises of right after the assessments. WTF people?

Anonymous said...

Can someone give me a definition of a "Chancellor" in public education?

My concept of this word was one who is the head of an education system with multiple universities. Obviously, this is wrong.

Interesting the word used for authorizing this post is "Highness" :)

Anonymous said...

Don't you guys want to post anything positive at all? The stuff your students are doing? The research you're doing? Anything? Is each day as completely awful for the faculty as this blog suggests?

Anonymous said...

OK Anon 12:42

I will post something positive:

I am positively disgusted with President Jacobs and the Board of the Trustees of The University of Toled.