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Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Welcome Back

Well here we are in a new year. I heard on the street that enrollment is down as is retention. I suppose we will be told that the falloff was either planned or really didn't happen. As to retention, that will be our fault. The greedy lazy shifless faculty have once again done in the University's best efforts to grant an education to some of its students. Sometime in February the HLC (sounds like a cable channel) will visit for accredidation purposes. The excitement is palpable. I'm on the edge of my chair. Actually I'm on the edge of my chair because I had double hernia surgery and it's a lot easier to sit that way. Remember these are the fine folks who have had us do all this work on assessment. These are the fine folks who expect us to follow our graduates and somehow connect what they have done in life with my Mass Communication class. While I'm all in favor of improving the human condition, I don't feel personally responsible for it five years down the road. I doubt the owners of the blog will be invited to any of the dinners, meetings, etc. while the crew is in town. To save the administration time and worry, I am now going to include what I believe will be the crux of the visitation report.

We, the visitation committee from on high, would like to compliment the University on its continued efforts in the area of assessment. While you aren't there yet, you are certainly committed to the process. Secondarily we would like to note your committment to faculty relations. You have successfully drug the faculty kicking and screaming into the late 20th century. You have managed to stifle dissent quite nicely and we will recommend you as a model to others. Your ability to have a medical school take over an entire university is likewise noteworthy. The shifting of money and resources away from the liberal arts without a peep from your BOT is truly remarkable. We will send others to learn at your feet.


Those Happy Olympus Visitors


Clyde said...

David. Your last paragraph however much laden with sarcasm soars with likelihood. If new enrollments and retentions are indeed tanking than it is because the infertile chickens of a bankrupt business model are beginning to come home to roost. I envision barbequed wings and a Super Bowl on the near horizon.

Anonymous said...

Yo, greedy lazy shifless faculty! The human condition is really improving among the shrinking bookstacks in that fine "museum of books" (Pryor, 2011) Just picture in your mind that HLC visitor stepping into LOC (Library of COIL) and find out that it can hardly support research only because the dean thinks each book wastes valuable real estate (just a re-statement of his statement in he so-called Independent COIL-legian article). Just one more floor of books to go, so hang in there. The library will turn into an Agora with knowledge floating in the air. 'Tis the Year of the Human Condition!

Anonymous said...

It seems that the university is becoming EVEN less selective! I see more boys acting like thugs and girls acting like prostitutes than I ever have in my life. It makes the university appear to be what these people portray: trash. Then one should be surprised that the retention is down.
(Humanities UT major)

Anonymous said...

What does "acting like prostitutes" mean? Unless you've observed a student literally offering sex for money (compared to taking out $10K+ in loans, could you blame her?), there's probably a more accurate word available.

Anonymous said...

The accreditation mill:
"The majority of online colleges and universities, such as the University of Phoenix, only have its "institutional accreditation" provided by The Higher Learning Commission. In December 2009, The Higher Learning Commission was scrutinized by the Department of Education's Office of the Inspector General for giving American Intercontinental University its "institutional accreditation" after it was denied accreditation by the Southern Association of Schools and Colleges (SASC).

American Interncontinental University operated out of Atlanta, Georgia and the moment it was denied an initial review of "institutional accreditation" by SASC, it packed up shop and moved its location to Chicago, Illinois. The Higher Learning Commission operates out of Chicago and the very minute American Intercontinental University applied for "institutional accreditation" with The Higher Learning Commission, American Intercontinental was granted accreditation. Because of this, the Department of Education's Office of the Inspector General wants to shut down The Higher Learning Commission for good and call it an "accrediation mill." "

More here:

Anonymous said...
this might be a nice memory

Anonymous said...

Aren't the signs posted by the administration at the entrances to campus ironic? "Respect our campus," they say. Someone needs to plant one of these on the 3rd floor of U Hall.