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Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Limerick Contest

Another $1,200 a day UT Consultant Trying to Get Back His Gold

In honor of St Patrick's Day, Bloggie invites your submissions for a limerick contest on UT administration, administrators, reorganization, or other follies involving the University and those who have run it down rather than run it.

Please submit your limerick, however profane or disrespectful, as comments to this post.  Your prize?  The respect and admiration of your peers! 


P.S.  Please no Odes, Dirges, Haiku, or Heroic Epics in Iambic Pentameter at this time.  


Anonymous said...

To Jacobs I humbly beseech:
Please practice the ethics you preach.
Or just cease all your twaddle,
Pack up, then skedaddle!
And leave us to research and teach.

Anonymous said...

There once was a university in Toledo,
Now the sandbox for the fuck’d-up trio,
Lloydie, Goldie, and Scarry,
And every BOT crony,
Leave teaching and research to the real pro.

Anonymous said...

The minutes from Jan. twenty nine.
Did senate finally draw the line?
Will there be a vote?
(See the end of the note.)
I hope faculty still has some spine.

Anonymous said...

Everyone employed in a teaching capacity at UT should be aware of a senate bill being debated in Columbus. If enacted, it will automatically raise the workload of everyone by one class - this mandatory increase after whatever workload increases Jacobs has imposed this year. In other words, Jacobs timed his workload increase "hit" just before a possible state mandated 1 class increase could go into effect. Sneaky, yes? And I believe a legislative requirement supersedes the contract, meaning that if your in tenure track and teaching 4/4 NOW, after the bill you will be teaching 5/4. But please, someone tell me I am wrong about that.

Anonymous said...

The convergence of Cam, Scott and Lloyd,
the cyborg, the robot and the droid,
is a most perfect storm
to bring UT much harm
which our union will fight to avoid.

Anonymous said...

Hey Bloggie!

Is there any gas left in your tank?
You exist and have Jacobs to thank.
They don’t pay him enuf
to take all of your guff --
yet he laughs all the way to the bank.

Anonymous said...

Good news! Our provost’s rich aunt
Gave a “Vagina Monologues Grant
For Women Who Teach.”
Comes with flowers and a speech.
Scott will either attend or he can’t.

Anonymous said...


If you think the absurdities lampooned in the must-see film on all things outrageous and decadent in the contemporary art scene “Art School Confidential” are an exaggeration, please feel free to view some of the postmodern mayhem yourself firsthand at the current “art” exhibit – “First Contact” at The Gallery Project, 215 S. Fourth Ave. in Ann Arbor, MI – through March 24.

This show features some of our very own local and regional postmodern academic luminaries and “artists,” but please be warned – the show is spectacularly awful.

You will laugh (because it is so astonishingly ludicrous and bad) until you cry (because it is so terribly sad that our art and culture have come to this).

Among countless other inanities, the “show” features a recorded audio loop of what sounds like some pathetic, heavily medicated lunatic in a straight jacket – rocking against the wall of his padded cell and repeatedly and incessantly humming the official U. S. Air Force song “Into the Wild Blue Yonder.”

I challenge anyone to remain inside the gallery for more than three minutes, listening to this excruciating ode to depravity while viewing the assorted visual manifestations of same, before running screaming into the street.

Only those long since aesthetically deafened by the relentless shrieking cacophony of dissonant postmodern art can endure such a toxic and inhospitable environment for more than a few short minutes.

A real artist would lock the door to this gallery as a public service and hang a sign that reads: “Closed Due to Lack of Art” – then put all the “art” in a dumpster and go out with some good friends to drink beer and laugh and enjoy the true art of good living.

Among other things, this show illustrates one of the latest trendy art world gimmicks, whereby “artists” are attempting to hook their little toy art theory wagons to science and technology in a desperate effort to find some sort of pseudo-scientific validation and justification for their existence.

With this lame turn towards pseudoscience, the cynical, mediocre and exhausted postmodernists are once again attempting to deploy another version of the old tried and true art gimmick gambit of claiming some special privileged, mystical secret knowledge, which only they, the “artists,” are able to impart to the rest of us simple-minded rubes (only now their “mystical knowledge” pertains to nothing less than their long-standing and much-hated rivals: science and technology).

Like grief counselors, the “artists” presume to have the special insights and pseudo-credentials required to properly “deconstruct” reality for us and thence impart the proper politically correct ways we should all feel about science and technology.

The theory and ideology that informs this “art” is the same theory and ideology we are spoon fed by leftist artists, academics, politicians, journalists, media wonks, pols and others as the “reasons” (a.k.a. Marxist-Feminist propaganda regarding social justice, political correctness, multiculturalism etc.) why we must unquestioningly surrender our culture, society, history, traditions, schools, children, government, heritage, economy, hearts, minds and souls to the arbitrary forces of “change” and “revolution”.

Presented for your approval and edification, here are a few brief illustrative video clips from the film “Art School Confidential” below:

The Art School Confidential promotional brochure…

The obligatory Art School disclaimer…

Anonymous Art School Dean critiques faculty portfolios…

…and discusses own work…

“Why are you such an A-hole?” or… “What could be more beautiful than truth and freedom?”

Anonymous said...

There once was an Ohio city,
where teaching was the nitty-gritty.
Then Jake came along,
Scott and Gold, they're all wrong!
And now teaching there's just a pity.

There once was a surgeon named Jake,
Whose teaching credentials were fake.
Brought his minions along,
What's now weak was once strong,
Which proves that he just is a snake.

Along came a 'savior' named Scott,
Who wanted to show what he's got,
And so decent he seemed
Til UT's death he dreamed,
Strategically planning with BOT.

Anonymous said...

Ode to the Admin
Picking pockets while spending a-way
Cause the students who are too poor to pay
To have to drop out,
Miss meals, go without,
While they preach “student centered” each day

Anonymous said...

Forgive me, I have this impression
That Lloyd just exploits this Recession
To fatten his purse.
There is nothing worse
Than a blackguard who savors his mession.

Anonymous said...

There seems to be something amiss!
A prof threw his student a kiss
‘cross Centennial Mall.
This is assault, y’all!
Jacobs Inc. will not tolerate this!
341 chiprif

Anonymous said...

"And I believe a legislative requirement supersedes the contract, meaning that if your in tenure track and teaching 4/4 NOW, after the bill you will be teaching 5/4. But please, someone tell me I am wrong about that."

The Bill does not require the increase, it gives the BOT the choice to do so. UT may increase or having already getting some increases for AY 13/14 leave it as is.

I know faculty and many chairs in all the colleges, and after many discussions with them I am not aware of any T/TT faculty increased to 4/4, yes some to 3/3, but is anyone aware of anyone teaching 4/4 now?

Anonymous said...

Here is an inspiration for new limericks:

Situation at University of Texas at Austin Concerning IDS Faculty

Apparently after their latest cutbacks to education and decided what teachers can teach, they are going for higher education and do the same there.

It's like the old medieval days: you could not be taller than the, you could not be more intelligent than the emerging brain-washed right-wingers.

Roger Waters has already warned the world! read the lyrics, then find the song on the Web

Limerick coming soon!

Anonymous said...

The U. of Toledo's abusive.
The U. of Toledo's abusive.
Abusive, abusive,
Abusive, abusive,
The U. of Toledo's abusive.

Anonymous said...

An opportunity missed at UToledo:

Over one thing sly Jacobs can gloat:
He ducked a no-confidence vote
by succeeding to ravage
the A&S College
Before the proposal could float.

Anonymous said...

The UT lordlings storming ahead
With visions that faculty should dread.
While they speak of innovation,
They suffer from retrogression,
but watch as we’re bled and unfed.

(inpired by, Limerick Ode To Republican “Reformers” By Madeleine Begun Kane)

Anonymous said...

There once was a field called communication

That was to many but an avocation

And then one day

We discovered how to make it pay

And all became administration.

Anonymous said...

Do you feel good about yourself writting your little idiotic poems while this institution is being destroyed? You are pathetic. You don't give a damn about this institution or the students or your fellow faculty or staff. You sit in this virtual sandbox playing your childish games. Get out and do something. You have tenure (for now) and a union (spineless as it may be) do something real. This blog disgusts me and I'm done wasting my time reading it.

Bloggie said...

Bloggie feels exactly the same way.

In fact, Bloggie sometimes wonders if faculty deserve a blog.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 7:40 (a.k.a. "Righteous Indignation") and also Bloggie,
You two are not paying close attention to current trends and events on campus: The BOT is split, the Three Amigos are butting heads, mismanagement is a runaway train, The Blade is finally reporting real news about UT shenanigans, Enrollment Mismanagement these days has gone all high-paid consultant and uberdigital and yet STILL can't buy a new student to save their lives, those that are here are fleeing, Bowling Green is scoring on punches while Utoledo is losing points for low blows ... Meanwhile local Solar goes polar and Dick and Jane are reluctant to park on campus after dark. Thank God for the Vagina Monologues and the tenured faculty! Without them UT might blow away and no one might notice. Trust me, the planets are lining up! Relief is just around the corner. There will be a change at the top sooner than later. Then all will be swell again. Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

If you have not read the letter sent to the President from the Grad Council and Faculty Senate and the President's replay, do so. The letter in response makes one thing obvious: President J is EXTREMELY sensitive to comparisons with Vic K. I therefore propose that President J's new regnal name be: VK-II (and really, if you were around for VK-I's there's an eerie similarity in the whacky ideas and the current run on administrative bloat was begun by Vk-I - VK-II has just been goosing it.

Anonymous said...

VK II risks a much harder fall since he had so much more ambition, more hate for the faculty, and more disregard for students.

Anonymous said...

"If you have not read the letter sent to the President from the Grad Council and Faculty Senate and the President's replay, do so"

// Where can I find these?

Anonymous said...

Can't help noticing that every single time someone lambasts the faculty and/or union for inaction, they fail to offer any suggestions for actions they faculty/union should take.

Work load for example. In case not one bothered to notice it, VK-II raised workload by giving lip service to the contract. We all know that the workload increase was ordered from on high, but the actual nuts and bolts of the work load increase was "negotiated" by the chairs, exactly as the language in the contract requires. Chairs (bad chairs!) held meetings with individual faculty, individual faculty are grieving their workloads, etc. So tell me, given this, exactly what the union or individual faculty are supposed to do, by way of resistance? refuse to teach additional classes in the fall? walk around picketing? sit-ins outside VK-IIs office? Instead of just writing 'faculty/union bad' offer some suggestions.

And in regard to the union, I hope everyone is aware that the union has at least two arbitrations that it has WON, that relate to the college reorganization and such, and VK-IIs response has been to take taxpayer money and dispute the arbitration decisions in court - apparently all the way to the state supreme court. Over a year for the arbitration hearings and decision and then back in court for VK-IIs appeals. For VK-II this is monopoly money and bottomless, since the Trustees don't seem to mind VK-II racking up tens of thousands of dollars in court and arbitration expenses; for the union, it comes out of faculty dues and is not a bottomless well. And union reps have to attend these hearings and meeting with union lawyers. Anyone imagine the time our union reps are taking to try and fight VK-II via the contract? VK-II's strategy is classic: death (of union and faculty) by a thousand cuts.

former UAW guy said...

I've personally tried to avoid 1) criticizing the faculty for not taking action or 2) proposing specific action plans, because both sound like armchair quarterbacking when they come from some anonymous guy on the internet.

But in my union days, we always coupled legal strategies (grievances- congratulations AAUP!) with direct action (walkouts, literature distribution, rallies). There hasn't been much of the second component, but that can be really effective at generating media coverage and motivating your allies (progressive students, community members) into action.

OK, I violated my promise not to armchair quarterback. Sorry.

Anonymous said...

I thank God every day that UT faculty have AAUP to fight for their rights and bargain against this Devil of an administration for a just contract. And I am not even a religious person.

Anonymous said...

Dear God
Please ignore this idiot who deserves nothing but a heat that cannot be beat. The AAUP are useless.