tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6044792945653054348.post327062456202651394..comments2023-08-13T06:56:50.760-07:00Comments on Arts & Sciences College Forum: Open Letter from Faculty Senate David Davishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12126067283016390050noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6044792945653054348.post-24427423020289723082013-03-20T14:52:47.487-07:002013-03-20T14:52:47.487-07:00Entertaining and informative! That is why this blo...Entertaining and informative! That is why this blog is the monkey's ankle. Keep on truckin' ... Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6044792945653054348.post-27526128112286251382013-03-20T12:14:14.071-07:002013-03-20T12:14:14.071-07:00Why exactly did Bill McMillen make 250K for being ...Why exactly did Bill McMillen make 250K for being "assistant to the President"?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6044792945653054348.post-29810126434583229922013-03-20T08:14:26.286-07:002013-03-20T08:14:26.286-07:00continued
So, what could possibly be easier or mo...continued<br /><br />So, what could possibly be easier or more straightforward than that?<br /><br />Yes, within the space of a few short years you too could go from being Mr. Chips to being Mr. In The Chips – just like me!<br /><br />It’s fun and easy and the best part is – the less you know, the more you get paid! <br /><br />It’s what I like to call The Previous Principle – you rise to your level of incompetence and then just keep floating higher and higher like a balloon full of hot air – drifting effortlessly in whichever direction the prevailing career winds blow you.<br /><br />Enjoy the ride!<br /><br />Signed,<br /><br />Dr. B. S. Previous, PhD<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6044792945653054348.post-17868828361399045182013-03-20T08:12:39.743-07:002013-03-20T08:12:39.743-07:00continued
Step 5: Continue your relentless schmoo...continued<br /><br />Step 5: Continue your relentless schmoozing and campus politics – maneuvering deftly as circumstances dictate, while remaining ever vigilant for any and all opportunities for self-promotion.<br /><br />Step 6: The time has come for you to make your big move – now all you need is a little well-timed and judiciously applied suckage in all the right places – particularly during periodic campus paradigm shifts involving the shuffling of key upper administrators and/or the implementation of the latest strategic plan (said plans tend to materialize every few years or so – every time there’s a new dean or other key administrative sheriff in town) You get called back by the casting director, nail your audition and… shazzam! Now YOU yourself have become a dean and/or vice-provost, or some such. <br /><br />Step 7: Be sure to continue ingratiating yourself with your superiors while at the same time generously appeasing the unwashed riff-raff beneath you with scraps from the table (so as to avoid the possibility of generating any inconvenient uprisings or revolts in the trenches – which could result in you being toppled from the throne of your newly-won petty fiefdom). Failure in the art of universal and perpetual schmoozing can be fatal to the ambitious pyramid climber, as one never knows for certain when the temptation to bestow a smug, arrogant and completely unnecessary and unfounded off-hand slight or insult upon some seemingly insignificant peon might just come back later to haunt you and really bite you in the ass big time (believe me – karma really does happen!). Incidentally, the technical term for your administrative superiors is “up-line” and those beneath you are referred to as your “down-line.” You pay continued obsequience to your up-line, while your down-line likewise pays continued obsequience to you. It’s the same pyramid org structure used by Tony Soprano and the Sicilian Mob, or for that matter by Amway or the Moonies or Scientologists). It is vital that the down-line be perpetually and periodically replenished at the base of the pyramid’s organizational structure with a steady supply of fresh and unsuspecting “new meat” (students, adjuncts, staff, brand new PhD’s tenure track faculty, etc.). This continuous refreshing process provides the essential influx of work and cash flow to the system and it is the only thing keeping the technically unsustainable academic pyramid (also known as a Ponzi Scheme) – from collapsing in upon itself.<br /><br />Step 8: Put in a couple of years treading water, remaining elusive and avoiding accountability as a dean or vice-something-or-other. Then scan the Chronicle of Higher Ed want ads for your next jumping onward and upward administrative position somewhere else. By this time people will pretty much have your number as a self-serving schmoozer, player and sycophant and most of your allies and co-conspirators will have themselves already moved on, so your position may be very tenuous. Best to seek greener pastures elsewhere at this juncture.<br /><br />Step 9: Continue scheming and dreaming of the day you become provost or even president of a university. The only thing you need to worry about at this point is committing a major career faux pas (like staying in one place too long and thus actually making yourself vulnerable to some real accountability for your assorted administrative blunderings and collateral damage), or the unfortunate possibility and just plain bad luck of having the inevitable catastrophic collapse of the entire unsustainable academic pyramid scheme occurring during your illustrious career.<br /><br />continuedAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6044792945653054348.post-67335430153443116492013-03-20T08:07:29.868-07:002013-03-20T08:07:29.868-07:00How to Become an Academic Administrator in 9 Easy ...How to Become an Academic Administrator in 9 Easy Steps<br /><br />By Dr. B. S. Previous, PhD – <br />2012 Oscar and Catherine T. Lick-Skittle Academic Administrator Medal of Excellence Recipient<br /><br />If you’re seriously considering giving it a try yourself and are curious about the Machiavellian machinations necessary for successful advancement in the academic administrator pyramid scheme – here’s the inside scoop from someone who really knows how to grease a palm or two, if I do say so myself. (Note: The party is almost over in academia so these instructions may have a very limited shelf life):<br /><br />Step 1: Arrive on campus as a newly minted, idealistic and fresh-faced newbie professor (preferably of the PoMo persuasion). Note the cynical curled lips and snorts of amused derision from the hardened and cynical vets in your academic department. These will be the people you must climb over in your meteoric rise to the top and you can learn much from their jaded cynicism. Forget all the pious academic mumbo jumbo about teaching and learning and research and a rewarding career and student-centeredness and blah blah blah. You are here to cover your own tail, feather your own nest and claw your way to the top by any means necessary. The hardened campus veterans know it and now so do you – so get your priorities straight and keep your eyes on the prize.<br /><br />Step 2: Obtain your PoMo pseudo-tenure (it’s a gimme – just keep your nose clean for a few years, conform to all the academic and administrative dogmas rites and rituals, kiss tail, attend and/or participate in all the standard PC propaganda spectacles, protests, vigils, cocktail parties and what not – i.e. The Vagina Monologues, Banned Books Week, the play “8” etc. – ingratiate yourself with all your colleagues and jump through all the appropriate hoops).<br /><br />Step 3: Become chair of your PoMo academic department or pseudo-department (nobody else will want the job because they will either be too incompetent, cynical and lazy, or too busy actually doing real academic work – so the plum will go to the first sniveling pyramid climber to step forward).<br /><br />Step 4: Become a PoMo pseudo-academic program director – just make it up as you go along. As department chair you are now hobnobbing with some of the academic royalty on a regular basis and this is where you can really begin to make tracks. Bamboozling your good ol’ buddy ol’ pal the dean into appointing you to an existing position, or even into creating an entirely new pseudo-academic program or department for you to oversee will be a piece of cake. After all, you socialize with the dean regularly and have carefully honed and utilized your world class brown-nosing skills with great aplomb – and the dean needs your continued support to facilitate his or her own steady climb up the academic career pyramid – so what could be more natural than a little quid pro quo cronyism? <br /><br />continuedAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6044792945653054348.post-37417615153975983082013-03-20T08:05:54.129-07:002013-03-20T08:05:54.129-07:00Well, at least some people are dancing all the way...Well, at least some people are dancing all the way to the bank…<br /><br />Maybe you can too! Find out how below.<br /><br />The Academic Administrator Awards (and How to Become an Academic Administrator in 9 Easy Steps)<br /><br />First let’s look at the numbers. <br /><br />Now you can look up the gross 2012 pay of your favorite academic administrator on the convenient UT Salary Database here:<br /><br />http://www.toledobladedata.com/caspio/2012BGSU_UT.asp<br /><br />FYI – Dr. Previous took home a cool $164K for services rendered in 2012.<br /><br />“Nice work if you can get it – and you can get it if you try” – as they say (find out how below).<br /><br />And so it is with grateful recognition for his outstanding contributions to the fine arts of shameless schmoozing that The Academic Administrator Awards are proud to present this year’s Oscar and Catherine T. Lick-Skittle Medal of Excellence for Careerist Showmanship, Synergistic Schmoozing and Administrative Self-Promotion to Dr. B. S. Previous, PhD. Congratulations!<br /><br />The following clip shows the exuberant Dr. P. receiving his well-deserved prize (and further fuels speculation about what, in addition to the obvious, the initials B. S. may actually stand for).<br /><br />http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ohri28Yc2AU<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com